Men, It’s Time to Feel: Why Bottling Up Emotions Isn’t the Answer

"Be a man and get over it." "Toughen up. Don’t let your feelings get in the way. Get the job done, no matter what's going on inside."

These are just some of the well-worn phrases many of us hear throughout our lives. We've been told time and time again that strength means pushing through, no matter the emotional cost. It’s easy to believe these mantras are the foundation of what it means to be strong—and in many ways, they’re true. There are definitely moments when we need to push through adversity and not let our emotions dictate our actions. That’s a part of life.

But here’s the catch: When these words become a blanket rule for everything, they do more harm than good. Because yes, while there are times to suppress emotions, there are also times when we absolutely must feel them—and deal with them.

The Power of Feeling:

Men’s emotions need to be felt in order to be addressed. We’ve gotten so good at suppressing them that many of us genuinely believe we’re fine. But here’s the truth: we’re not.

Emotions that we push down don’t just disappear—they shape our minds in ways we often don’t recognize. They affect how we think, how we respond to situations, and even how we see the world. In fact, much of our daily experience is rooted in the subconscious—a part of the mind that is deeply influenced by emotional reactions, many of which start in childhood.

Those early emotional responses mold the way we interpret life’s experiences, and this can lead to mental and physical tension that we carry around daily. Ever notice how tight your neck and shoulders get when you're stressed? Or how hard it is to relax them, no matter how much you try? That’s not just physical tension; it’s emotional baggage manifesting in the body. Wild, right?

So, What Do We Do About It?

The first step is recognizing the need to face your emotions instead of ignoring them. And yes, that’s uncomfortable. But the discomfort is part of the healing process.

Find a coach or counselor who can guide you through those emotions and help you peel back the layers of defense you’ve built up over the years. They’ll help you identify what you’re truly feeling, not just the surface-level reactions. This process of reframing those emotions is what begins to reshape your subconscious mind. Over time, you’ll notice that those old triggers—the things that used to set you off—no longer have the same power over you.

For example, maybe you’ve struggled with self-worth and reacted with defensiveness or anger whenever someone criticized you. The "new" version of you—the mentally healthier version—can hear those same words and let them roll off your back. That’s strength.

True Strength Is Control, Not Suppression:

Think about the Stoics we often view as "strong men"—figures like Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, or Epictetus. These men didn’t live without emotion. They likely faced a great deal of criticism and personal struggle as they pursued their lofty goals. What made them strong wasn’t an absence of emotion—it was their ability to control their emotions and not let them dictate their responses.

That’s what counseling or mental health coaching is about. We can’t control what others think or say, but we can control how we take it in. As men, we need to be able to sift through the noise—taking what’s helpful and true and discarding what’s meant to break us down.

Stay Strong, Men.

Don’t be afraid to feel your emotions. Process them. And then emerge on the other side stronger, more resilient, and more in control of your life. This is the true path to strength—being able to handle and work through our emotions, not hide from them.

Remember, the greatest strength comes not from suppressing your feelings, but from mastering them.