10 Steps to Find yourself again after divorce
Divorce can feel like an overwhelming upheaval, ripping away the life you once knew and leaving you adrift. So, what do you do!? What do you do when your partner leaves you and the life you knew is suddenly…GONE? If you’re navigating through the post-divorce period or even the ongoing separation, rebuilding and rediscovering yourself is essential. Here’s a guide to help you find your footing and thrive again:
Start Dreaming Again!
It's easy to get stuck in the mire of heartache and loss. What really helped me early on was allowing myself to dream of the new life I wanted to create for myself and my kids. Maybe you were never truly able to have the autonomy to dream? Now’s the chance. When you hold space for yourself to dream again, a sense of excitement will start to emerge. With that excitement comes hope as well, and this hope can change your entire perspective. Shift your focus to envisioning a new future. Imagine the life you want for yourself and your kids. What kind of home do you want? What kind of person do you want to become? This period is a blank slate—embrace the freedom to dream big and set new goals. You are starting over so everything’s in play.
Take Care of your physical health
Physical and mental health are closely connected. It’s very difficult to have one without the other. Or at least difficult to maximize both. You don’t need to achieve a specific body type, but adopting a healthier lifestyle can boost your mood and confidence. Focus on nutritious foods, regular exercise, and adequate rest. These practices help regulate hormones and provide a natural boost of positive energy.
Mind the Mental
Your internal dialogue shapes your reality. Our mental dialogue reinforces itself in our subconscious and the large majority of the “reality” we experience and the actions we take are based on the subconscious. Pay attention to your thoughts and be deliberate about nurturing a positive mindset. Practice gratitude, optimism, and self-compassion. Guard your mental space from negativity and consciously cultivate a hopeful and empowering perspective.
Be of Service
Helping others can shift your focus away from personal grief. When we move into service, we move out of our own self pity. It’s a beautiful thing. Engage in acts of kindness, whether through volunteering, supporting friends, or participating in community activities. Service helps foster a sense of purpose and connection, lifting your spirits and moving you beyond the trap of self-pity.
Own What’s yours to own and be humble
This is a hard one! I’m not gonna sugar coat it! It takes humility to look at the areas of your old marriage and say, “Yep, that’s mine to own. I messed up here.” This takes a great deal of humility to do, but as soon as you own what’s yours, you can then start working and unraveling the why behind those thoughts and behaviors. Seek guidance from a counselor or coach to explore these insights further and address any underlying issues.
Let go of shame:
This really goes hand in hand with the last point. As you realize what’s yours to own, there will more than likely be a bit of shame associated with that. Shame is a destructive force that says you are inherently bad. Understand that guilt is about actions, while shame attacks your self-worth. Release feelings of shame by recognizing that making mistakes doesn’t define you as a person. Work through these feelings with professional help if needed.
Discover Your Value:
Reflect on what you have to offer the world beyond what you produce. Your intrinsic worth is not tied to your accomplishments or external validation. Embrace your inherent value as a unique individual. It’s truly a miracle YOU are on this earth and therefore YOU hold great value. Let that sink in! This self-acceptance can be empowering and motivating.
Forget about what’s happening with social media
This one will save your sanity. Avoid the trap of monitoring your ex’s life on social media. This distraction can hinder your healing and growth. Focus on your journey and well-being instead. Social media often presents a curated version of reality that can distort your perspective and impede your progress.
Surround yourself with your Tribe
Connection is vital for recovery. Isolation can destroy you. I’m not talking about the intentional alone time you need to think, work, and process life. I’m talking about the avoiding of others for extended periods. Build a support network of people who uplift, inspire, and hold you accountable. This tribe should include those who share your values, encourage your growth, and offer honest, loving feedback.
Sit with yourself and be still:
Embrace your emotions rather than avoiding them. Allow yourself time to process feelings without resorting to temporary distractions or jumping into new relationships prematurely. Jumping into a relationship too soon without dealing with those things then odds are you’re setting that relationship up for failure. Take your time. Self-reflection and emotional processing are crucial for genuine healing and growth.
As someone who’s been in the trenches of divorce I know the ups and downs that come with it. I’m hear to encourage you. Divorce is undeniably challenging, but it can also be a profound opportunity for personal transformation. Embrace this journey with patience and grace. As you work through these steps, you’ll find yourself gradually emerging stronger and more self-aware. Remember, this is a chance to rebuild a life filled with purpose and passion. Keep moving forward, and one day, you’ll see that the pain has faded, revealing a new chapter full of possibilities.